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Community Corner

I Love You Points

A tale of two highly competitive children, one genius husband, and an oversized Ping Pong table.

It took us two years to finish our basement into useable recreation space. When we were done, we marveled at the added square footage, which in Brookline, as you know, is at a premium.

We giddily envisioned all kinds of uses for the space. It would make a perfect hang-out for the kids and their friends, with comfy chairs and a big-screen TV for computer games and movies. I could get a treadmill and my husband’s weights would fit perfectly in the corner. It was like Christmas. Actually, it was Christmas and my husband and I, feeling nostalgic, decided to surprise the boys with a Ping Pong table. We both had one as kids and fondly remembered the hours of family fun.

As it turns out, the surprise was ours… the impressive blue table with the neon green stripes and canary yellow net swallowed up just about every available inch of our newly acquired space. Factor in the space the players occupied while playing and we were, instantly, at full capacity. Two years of sweat equity—lugging in drywall, waterproofing, painting, laying down carpet—and all we had to show for it was a one-recreation recreation room. Oh well, nothing to do for it but play Ping Pong. And we did. As the snow mounds piled up outside, we worked up a sweat inside … and boy do you work up a sweat. We embraced the ping and the pong like no other. We rented "Balls of Fury," "Ping Pong Playa, and Forrest Gump." We had Ping Pong parties and hosted friends and family for makeshift tournaments. My husband and sons even became official, card-carrying members of USATT, the USA Table Tennis Association.

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And I learned two things.

Thing One: Ping Pong is no longer called "Ping Pong," as it was back in the day when I mastered it in my garage. Now it’s table tennis, and don’t let anyone hear you say otherwise. Ping and pong are, apparently, two very dirty words in the biz. A word of advice: NEVER go into a Table Tennis Association gathering and ask where the Ping Pong tournament is. It doesn’t matter how cute your eleven-year-old face might be, you will be collectively corrected by every participant within earshot while being given, en masse, a look that will have you quivering behind your paddle.

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Thing Two: My husband is a genius. I know this because he told me so. Here’s how it happened. My crazy-competitive twin sons spend 99 percent of each day challenging each other to ridiculous competitions and arguing over who won. They compete for everything from who gets our undivided attention, to who sits up front, to who goes first at (and believe me when I tell you this) EVERYTHING.

One day I was in the kitchen and the boys were downstairs loudly sparring at a game of Ping Pong--um, table tennis. I’ve become adept at tuning out their constant bickering, but this particular time I heard them yell something so startling, so jarring, so alien that my mom radar kicked in on high alert. I KNOW my children did not just say that, I thought. They wouldn't do that. That’s crazy. But then it happened again.

“I LOVE YOU!” one screamed ferociously at the other.

“I LOVE YOU MORE!” followed a few seconds later.

I sat down on the kitchen stool with a thump. That fruit salad I ate must have been bad.

But there is was again.

“I LOVE YOU!”

“YOU’RE THE BEST BROTHER EVER!”

Both these statements were hurled fiercely at each other as the ball frenetically shot from paddle to paddle.

The game ended and one child whooped as the other predictably grunted in angry frustration. At least those were exclamations I was familiar with. The kids started a new game and I crept upstairs to tell my husband about the two alien creatures that had commandeered our table tennis table (or whatever the politically correct term for ping pong is on Mars.)

My husband swiveled in his office chair, looked at me with a satisfied smile and said, “I know, I’m a genius.”

And you know what? He is. He invented “I love you points,” which is possibly the greatest invention EVER for parents of highly competitive twins. In table tennis you play to 21. In my husband's version, whoever is about to lose can gain himself an extra shot by saying “I love you.” After that they have two more opportunities to stall their loss or gain a win by saying something increasingly complimentary to the other player.

Brilliant.

It reminded me of how my mother would urge me to smile when I was sad. It’s impossible to be completely blue with a smile on your face. A smile just makes you feel better. That’s what I love you points do. No matter how angry or frustrated the boys might feel at each other, saying I love you takes the edge off and moves them in a better direction. Score one for hubby.

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